None of us are beyond deceiving ourselves. Such self-deception, which in its most extreme and pathological forms we deem delusional, is much more pervasive than most imagine. Consider the ordinary example of some heated conflict with a spouse, lover, relative or close friend. How is it that after the fact, each participant can have a completely contradictory version of what happened? Objectively speaking, first A happened, then B occurred, then C was said, D followed, etc. But what if the objective facts or our own behavior don’t comport well with how we see ourselves? We distort the facts to support our particular point of view and to sustain our beliefs about the kind of person we are or want to be.
We dismiss certain facts incompatible with our myth of ourselves in favor of other less threatening and more corroborative ones. We twist the truth. And we become convinced of the veracity of this twisted truth. And we do all this unconsciously. We don’t even know we’re doing it. This goes beyond mere “cognitive distortion,” resulting in a radical rewriting of history and reality for the purpose of preserving our precious self-image or persona.
I have heard so many versions of my previous marriage. Most versions came from Rommel Maslog. I heard of what he shared to the people of Talisayan, to His political friends, to his girlfriend and her family in Pampanga, even to his own family in Butuan. Most of them, have not heard my side. Most of them, accused me of extra-marital affairs. Most of them judged me by what the Mayor Rommel Maslog said ….His Distorted TRUTH .
I am writing my blog not to destroy Mayor Rommel Maslog but to share with you an experience that everybody should learn from. An experienced that taught me a very Valuable lesson about Truth, Lies, Pride and Deception.
Few months ago, I met a young lady, 24 years old, beautiful, intelligent, vibrant. I met her in my dentist office. If you know me personally, YOU know I talk to everybody. I always end up, making friends with them. She is a very sweet girl. I became a friend and a mentor. ( It’s not that am old, I just have the wisdom.! ) I made friends with her. I even became her mom’s friend too. Got to know the entire family. She would come to my home and my office. We talk and she would share with me things, she would never share with her mom. And I feel priveleged.
One day, I called her and invited her to the office. She hesitated at first, I was wondering why. But, as usual , my persuasion worked. Against her will J , she went to the office to see me. The moment I laid my eyes on her, I knew something was wrong. All I asked her was, “ Are you okay?” , “ Is everything alright?”. She just looked at me with misty eyes. I knew then, that she was pregnant. I felt tremors in my entire body. I wanted to cry with her, comfort her, hug her and assure her that everything will be just fine…She told me she was pregnant and she decided to have an abortion..I told her don’t, but, she said it’s final. Nobody can stop her, not even me. I begged her, pleaded with her to reconsider…But, then, she made the final decision…I was too late.
This brought back memories of an 18 year old girl that Rommel had an affair with and got pregnant.
It was 1997. I started a business of Distribution of Medicines and Books to Government Offices all over the country. Everyday, I worked very early in the morning for Breakfast meetings and went home late at night. I was able to build a very successful company. I always tell people, “ It is OUR BUSINESS, ROMMEL AND MINE.” I would tell them, the words they wanted to hear, that Rommel is a WORKING PARTNER. But, that was a lie. I worked alone. I run that business alone. All Rommel wanted was MONEY. He would report to the Office to get money, or call Connie ( my assistant ) to bring him cash. My employees knew this, but, they never said anything. They would keep quiet. During that time, We were able to buy a 4.5 Million pesos worth of house in Executive Village. We paid it in Cash. All my Furnitures cost me another 4 million pesos. We also bought Expedition, Safari, Toyota Camry, Mercedez Van..all paid in cash. I thought, everything was alright. Everything was perfect, until…
It was on a Saturday, that Rommel told me he invited Bro. Super and Sis. Tess ( my group mates in Christian Couples Group ), to the house for a dinner. I was surprised because, Rommel would never do that initiative. But, it was a welcome surprise. I love being around my friends, specially Bro. Super and Sis. Tess. They are my REAL Friends. They were there for me when I had nothing, and were there also if I have something. A real friend, indeed.. So, I asked my cook, Jenny, to prepare a very sumptous dinner. Bro. Super, love Jenny’s cooking. The moment Bro. Super and Sis. Tess, arrived, I felt something was wrong. Sis. Tess, was looking at me as if she wanted to cry. She hugged me so tight that I knew this was not just another regular visit or gathering. Then, Rommel said, we should go to our private den. This was one of my favorite room. Its small,cozy and quite. When we were inside, nobody was talking. It was one of the most uncomfortable moment of my life. Thoughts run in my mind…Something must be wrong, questions like, “ Was Bro. Super and Sis.Tess having marital problems?, Or Were they sick?.Or, …Then, Bro. Super started to talk and shared the Bible. He read the Bible, about marriage and about forgiveness. I started to feel numb..I knew then, It was not Bro. Super and Sis. Tess.. It was Rommel, AGAIN! As usual , he was using people close to me to explain his shortcomings.
I smiled at Bro. Super, and I told him..”Bro. Super, Don’t sugar coat anything, Just give it to me!”..He did!..Rommel was having an affair to an 18 year old. Bro. Super said Rommel was sorry and wanted to confessed. He wanted to let me know first than hear the story from someone else..or hear it from the girl. He said, the girl threatened Rommel to destroy his marriage. A marriage that Rommel VALUED and TREASURED ( that’s what Rommel told Bro. Super) I was in pain. I wanted to cry and shout and ask again, why?..But, no words came out from my mouth, no tears from my eyes. I decided to grin and bear it, over the years I learned to live with the pain, sometimes convincing myself of a perfect marriage. I stood up and went to my room. I locked the door. Rommel followed knocking at the door, again…begging for forgiveness.!.
A remarkable thing happened after that. Like a veil lifting from my eyes, the depression that had been laying on me for the past years lifted. Just like that, the gray wet blanket that had been lying on my head was gone. What was left? Feelings of deep sadness and fatigue mostly, but also an ability to feel much more keenly than had been allowed to me over the past several years. The business I started has been doing well, remarkably so in some areas, but I have had no joy from seeing the results of my hard labor. Why? The depression sucked the life out of everything. And what caused this funk? Being with Rommel.The sadness is much sharper now. I felt myself seizing up with tears, all from thinking about the new confession. Not because I was missing anything, just from the fact of the decption. This was not the first time I had felt this particular emotion in any kind of intensity. In a perverse way, the sharpness of it felt good. And I was tired. Very Tired.. It is going to take time to recharge the emotional batteries again. I went back to Bro. Super and Sis. Tess, I told them everything was ok. I have forgiven Rommel.
I thought that was it, but, It was not so, the Biggest blow came…The girl was PREGNANT…How could this be?..Why did Rommel allow this to happen?. What’s worst was..Rommel wanted the girl to have an abortion. He said, he was doing that because he can’t hurt me again. He would do anything just for me to forgive him..
How could Rommel do this to me and to his kids. And how could he tell me he wanted the girl to have an abortion? ..What does he think of me? Did he ever think I would allow this?..Am I that low in his eyes?Whatever it was, I told him, NEVER TO ALLOW THE GIRL TO HAVE AN ABORTION. I told him, I would never forgive him, If he would allow that…It was all a trick.He knew I would never agree to an abortion..He knew I would protect that baby no matter what.Rommel manipulated me again..and again..and again..
Two days after that, I told Sis. Tess to accompany me to the girl. I wanted to make sure that she was taken cared of. The moment I met her, I knew then, that if there was a single thought of abortion in her mind, I will convince her, not to do it. The girl was crying. She said, all she wanted was a good life. She never thought she would get pregnant. She said, Rommel Maslog provided her with an apartment, provided her a lifestlye that she never had. Rommel Maslog provide her what I provided FOR HIM AND MY FAMILY. Rommel Maslog shared to this girl the SWEAT of my Labor.. Used my own money to provide someone a NEW LIFE..She said she was sorry. I was numb..all I felt was tiredness, no emotions.
I gave the girl money to live on..I told her to go home to Cebu City where she is from and start her own business. I told her to find someone that would take care of her and the baby, and if there was anything I could do, just to call me and I will help..I gave her my telephone number and told her to write me and send me pictures of the baby…The girl hugged me and cried ..All she said was SORRY.
From the day I handed that girl money, I never heard from her anymore. Rommel and I never talked about it again.Never looked back..I moved on. Continued to keep quiet. Continued to smile. Continued to praise Rommel Maslog..I finally realized, the man that I used to know is not a MAN but, a MONSTER!.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
The Story Behind the Marriage of Mary Ann and Rommel Maslog
We often stay in relationships that aren’t healthy for us. Sometimes emotionally abusive or physically abusive. Many women live everyday in unhealthy relationships because of many reasons. Some women are afraid to leave, some are telling theirselves it’s their own fault, and some just plain out believe that nothing is wrong with the relationship. Many women are brainwashed to believe that a marriage is suppose to work a certain way. No two marriages are the same, but no marriage should have any kind of abuse in it. In this series of blog , I will share my heart, my life , my mind and my experience to everyone.
Many asked…What happened to the fairy tale marriage of Mary Ann and Rommel Maslog?..Who’s to blame?..Why?..
There was NEVER A FAIRY TALE, THERE WAS ONLY A MARRIAGE!
June 1992, I worked as a Medical Representative for Dispo Philippines. I was assigned in Davao City. Six Months (6) months after, I was promoted as the Assistant District Sales Manager for Butuan City. December of 1992, was when I met Rommel Maslog. He was one of my Sales Representative. Since Butuan was a new Branch Office, we only have a sattelite office. So every week, Saturday to be specific, we would travel to Cagayan de Oro City and conduct our reporting. Since Butuan Branch was a small Branch, consisted of 5 employees including me, we tend to be together all the time. All of us would have breakfast together, had lunch if I worked with my reps, and dine out together.. As a manager, I became not only my sales reps adviser, but I also became very close to them..With Rommel, in fact, too close for comfort which was my biggest mistake..He was so nice, charming person, a good looking too.. I fall for it..
One day, I woke up and realized, I was in love with one of my Sales Representative, which was a No-No to the company.. When Rommel and I started our relationship, he told me ,we should kept it to ourselves..We did not want to loose our job, that was what he told me. So, I believed him since it was a company policy..
Every Saturday, all of us would go to Cagayan de Oro, and we would stay in the pad or apartment of another manager of Cagayan de Oro.. Her name was Cynthia..Over the weekends, Rommel and I would always just act as friends, manager and Rep relationship, no more no less.. In the course of our relationship, I gave him more responsibility than others..I would help him out with his sales, than others.. Of course, I was in love.. To me, He was the best..
There were weeekends when I was not able to go to Cagayan, then, he would say, he would do it for me and bring all my repiorts to Cagayan.. He said, he would rather be tired, than seeing me, tired.. I really believed it HOOK, LINE and SINKER!
Well, as a woman, I was ready to give up my career for him so that he would become the manager.. I told him, I would recommend him as the manager and I would resigned so that we could move on with our life.. I said , I could find another job , easy..He agreed, as long as , when I resigned nobody would know the reason why.. He said, my office mates would know in the future, WHEN WE GET MARRIED.. That day, He offered me marriage!.. I was ecstatic!! This was the happiest day of my life but, I couldn’t share it with anybody!.Because He told me not too..
For few weeks, I kept it to myself.. I never shared it to anybody not even to Cynthia, who became my Best friend then.. On my last day at work, I had lunch with Cynthia.. I still could remember that day.. Cynthia, asked me many times, during lunch why I was giving up my career.. I just smilled.. She kept on and on and on.. Until, I could not resist anymore!!.. I was bursting with Happiness!!.. I needed to share this with someone!..So, I told her, I would share to her a secret, in one condition, that she would not share this to anybody..
Of course, Cynthia, promised she would never share it to anybody and she said, she also had a secret and she would share it with me..So, we made a promise not to tell anybody our secrets!!
I shared first my secret.. I told her, Rommel and I have been going out for months and he offered me MARRIAGE!!.. I saw the shocked in her eyes, and the first words she said was..YOU CAN’T MARRY HIM!!..I said, WHAT???..and she started crying!!!..
How can this be?? The person that I thought who was my friend, And who would be happy for me, was just totally devastated!! In my mind, I said, SHE IS SELFISH!!How can she not be HAPPY FOR ME??
Then, in between sobs, she told me, ” You can’t marry Rommel!, because He is my boyfirend! “..I WAS SHOCKED!! All I could say, was ” YOU’RE LYING, CYNTHIA, YOU’RE A LIAR!!..I took off and called up Rommel.. I was CRYING!
I told Rommel what Cynthia told me, and he said NOT TO BELIEVE HER AND THAT SHE WAS MAKING UP A STORY BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT CYNTHIA WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM..HE TOLD ME NOT TO TALKED TO CYNTHIA AND NOT TO BELIEVED HER..HE EVEN TOLD ME THAT THERE WAS A TIME THAT CYNTHIA TOOK ADVANTAGE OF HIM AND BECAUSE OF ME , HE SAID NO TO HER!
Stupid me!, I believed Rommel.. I never called Cynthia back.. Never invited her on my wedding day!.. I found out few weeks after, that Rommel never got the PROMOTION and THAT HE SAID CYNTHIA GAVE HIM A HARD TIME AND HE WAS RESIGNING!!He said, he would rather be jobless that let Cynthia come between US!..
Wasn’t that SWEET!.. I told myself, I have one heck of a man!
Looking back, I should have listen to Cynthia. My life would have been better!.. A year after my marriage to Rommel, he had his first MARITAL AFFAIR!. But, that story will come later..
I wa stupid!!!.. few years after, I saw Cynthia, She got married and she told me, thank you!.. I asked her for what?.. She said, “FOR NOT BELIEVEING IN ME, Because if you did, I WOULDNT HAVE MET MY HUSBAND”
To me, I felt that was more than a slapped to me face.. I can’t allow my marriage to fail!.. I PROMISED MYSELF, THEN, THAT I WILL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE MY MARRIAGE WORK..And I will PROVE TO CYNTHIA THAT I DID NOT MAKE THE WRONG DECISION!.. I PROMISED MYSELF, I WILL PROVE CYNTHIA WRONG!!
That was the beginning of my CALVARY IN LIFE!..
Many asked…What happened to the fairy tale marriage of Mary Ann and Rommel Maslog?..Who’s to blame?..Why?..
There was NEVER A FAIRY TALE, THERE WAS ONLY A MARRIAGE!
June 1992, I worked as a Medical Representative for Dispo Philippines. I was assigned in Davao City. Six Months (6) months after, I was promoted as the Assistant District Sales Manager for Butuan City. December of 1992, was when I met Rommel Maslog. He was one of my Sales Representative. Since Butuan was a new Branch Office, we only have a sattelite office. So every week, Saturday to be specific, we would travel to Cagayan de Oro City and conduct our reporting. Since Butuan Branch was a small Branch, consisted of 5 employees including me, we tend to be together all the time. All of us would have breakfast together, had lunch if I worked with my reps, and dine out together.. As a manager, I became not only my sales reps adviser, but I also became very close to them..With Rommel, in fact, too close for comfort which was my biggest mistake..He was so nice, charming person, a good looking too.. I fall for it..
One day, I woke up and realized, I was in love with one of my Sales Representative, which was a No-No to the company.. When Rommel and I started our relationship, he told me ,we should kept it to ourselves..We did not want to loose our job, that was what he told me. So, I believed him since it was a company policy..
Every Saturday, all of us would go to Cagayan de Oro, and we would stay in the pad or apartment of another manager of Cagayan de Oro.. Her name was Cynthia..Over the weekends, Rommel and I would always just act as friends, manager and Rep relationship, no more no less.. In the course of our relationship, I gave him more responsibility than others..I would help him out with his sales, than others.. Of course, I was in love.. To me, He was the best..
There were weeekends when I was not able to go to Cagayan, then, he would say, he would do it for me and bring all my repiorts to Cagayan.. He said, he would rather be tired, than seeing me, tired.. I really believed it HOOK, LINE and SINKER!
Well, as a woman, I was ready to give up my career for him so that he would become the manager.. I told him, I would recommend him as the manager and I would resigned so that we could move on with our life.. I said , I could find another job , easy..He agreed, as long as , when I resigned nobody would know the reason why.. He said, my office mates would know in the future, WHEN WE GET MARRIED.. That day, He offered me marriage!.. I was ecstatic!! This was the happiest day of my life but, I couldn’t share it with anybody!.Because He told me not too..
For few weeks, I kept it to myself.. I never shared it to anybody not even to Cynthia, who became my Best friend then.. On my last day at work, I had lunch with Cynthia.. I still could remember that day.. Cynthia, asked me many times, during lunch why I was giving up my career.. I just smilled.. She kept on and on and on.. Until, I could not resist anymore!!.. I was bursting with Happiness!!.. I needed to share this with someone!..So, I told her, I would share to her a secret, in one condition, that she would not share this to anybody..
Of course, Cynthia, promised she would never share it to anybody and she said, she also had a secret and she would share it with me..So, we made a promise not to tell anybody our secrets!!
I shared first my secret.. I told her, Rommel and I have been going out for months and he offered me MARRIAGE!!.. I saw the shocked in her eyes, and the first words she said was..YOU CAN’T MARRY HIM!!..I said, WHAT???..and she started crying!!!..
How can this be?? The person that I thought who was my friend, And who would be happy for me, was just totally devastated!! In my mind, I said, SHE IS SELFISH!!How can she not be HAPPY FOR ME??
Then, in between sobs, she told me, ” You can’t marry Rommel!, because He is my boyfirend! “..I WAS SHOCKED!! All I could say, was ” YOU’RE LYING, CYNTHIA, YOU’RE A LIAR!!..I took off and called up Rommel.. I was CRYING!
I told Rommel what Cynthia told me, and he said NOT TO BELIEVE HER AND THAT SHE WAS MAKING UP A STORY BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT CYNTHIA WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM..HE TOLD ME NOT TO TALKED TO CYNTHIA AND NOT TO BELIEVED HER..HE EVEN TOLD ME THAT THERE WAS A TIME THAT CYNTHIA TOOK ADVANTAGE OF HIM AND BECAUSE OF ME , HE SAID NO TO HER!
Stupid me!, I believed Rommel.. I never called Cynthia back.. Never invited her on my wedding day!.. I found out few weeks after, that Rommel never got the PROMOTION and THAT HE SAID CYNTHIA GAVE HIM A HARD TIME AND HE WAS RESIGNING!!He said, he would rather be jobless that let Cynthia come between US!..
Wasn’t that SWEET!.. I told myself, I have one heck of a man!
Looking back, I should have listen to Cynthia. My life would have been better!.. A year after my marriage to Rommel, he had his first MARITAL AFFAIR!. But, that story will come later..
I wa stupid!!!.. few years after, I saw Cynthia, She got married and she told me, thank you!.. I asked her for what?.. She said, “FOR NOT BELIEVEING IN ME, Because if you did, I WOULDNT HAVE MET MY HUSBAND”
To me, I felt that was more than a slapped to me face.. I can’t allow my marriage to fail!.. I PROMISED MYSELF, THEN, THAT I WILL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE MY MARRIAGE WORK..And I will PROVE TO CYNTHIA THAT I DID NOT MAKE THE WRONG DECISION!.. I PROMISED MYSELF, I WILL PROVE CYNTHIA WRONG!!
That was the beginning of my CALVARY IN LIFE!..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)